Paranoia
by Apple-chan
Summary: RenxJeannexLyserg. Ren knew he was just being paranoid. And yet...


**Paranoia**

By Apple-chan

_Disclaimer:_ Canon is something this isn't. Obviously.  
_Summary_: He was just being paranoid; he knew that. RenxJeannexLyserg.  
_Warnings_: Chapter 300 aka the official ending that shattered my fantasies. And also, spoilers to **Making Sense of it All**, a.k.a the fic that never got its continuation written after Ren's POV. Sorry guys.

* * *

Seeing them together made him jealous.

Lyserg Diethyl was a frequent guest in the Tao family estate. Twice every fortnight he calls, and when this happens Ren knew that it was time for another one of those. _Routine visits_.

He never stays for long, and Ren was glad for that. Though to be fair if it were up to Lyserg he would only stop by for half a day and not more—Ren knew this. Not because his friend didn't want to stay, but because he didn't want to be imposing.

It was his wife who insisted that Lyserg extend his stay, each and every single time. And his friend always did. Lyserg was the type of person who had a hard time saying no to almost everything.

Ren would never admit it out loud, but he _does_ appreciate his friend's visits. When Lyserg was around, his wife's smiles seem brighter than ever, and she was constantly bursting with energy and excitement. Ren knew it wasn't just his imagination. This was just the effect Lyserg had on his wife.

They were _close_—much, much closer than best friends would ever be. More than friends, but not lovers. Not quite.

_Almost_, but not.

Ren knew that. He was painfully aware of that fact, and every single visit of Lyserg to their home reminded him of this undeniable, inevitable fact.

That was why seeing them together made him jealous, even though he really would never ever admit it out loud.

Though deep inside his heart of hearts, he knew that there was _no reason_ to be jealous. Jeanne was, for one, married to _him_ and not to Lyserg, and he knew that being disloyal goes against any and all that she believed in—_not_ that she would ever have an affair with anyone, because she wouldn't.

For _another_, Lyserg was his _friend_, and Ren would bet his life that Lyserg would rather _die_ than betray a friend.

Still, some part of him continued to worry. His friend would never steal away his wife…yet maybe he didn't have to.

_Maybe she was already his._

Ren wanted to kill himself every time his thoughts take this turn. More correctly, he wanted to kill _Lyserg_. Or punch his lights out, at the very least.

Every single time his friend and his wife were together, even if they were just talking—it was like they were trapped inside their own little impenetrable _world_—one that Ren could never hope to enter no matter how much he wanted to, no matter how he tried.

And he would never admit it, but those thoughts practically kill him, eating him on the inside.

But, it never lasts.

Never, because Lyserg's visits were short and always fleeting. He never stays very long; Ren realized that he appreciates that most of all.

Every time his friend leaves, he was able to put aside all his negative thoughts. All his jealousy. He could remind _and_ convince himself that Jeanne was married to _him_. That Jeanne was his wife and they had a child.

That they were a _family_ now and he would never allow anyone to destroy that.

And, every time Lyserg leaves, he is finally, _finally_ able to convince himself that his thoughts were just that—_thoughts_, not reality, and he was just being paranoid.

* * *

**Notes as of February 28, 2011:**

After almost one year of writing Making Sense of it All, I decide to go back to it just for kicks. I do re-read my old fics sometimes (except for Celebrations…it's far too long). I HONESTLY had plans. I think I still have the Lyserg and Jeanne part of the stories in my head; it's just hard to write them down. Too many distractions abound. But I'm not giving up on it yet; Promenade is OVER, but MSOIA (Making Sense of it All) is NOT. So it will get written…hopefully. Maybe.

Since there were only a few reviewers for MSOIA, all of you deserve a mention!

djyxa, theterrorist, Stella, awayaringofans, Maero, Avedici, haoxjeannexrenlizerg fanatic, chromate –thanks for reviewing and I hope you get to read this one!

elviella – not quite sure if I could have given it a proper ending, BUT I think most of those who have read my writing know that aside from YohxAnna, I am a LysergxJeanne advocate, so at the VERY LEAST I would have wanted them together. Thank you SO MUCH for reading my fics! I think most of those who read my stuff way back when have forgotten but I'm glad you guys are still around! You make me want to write! Ahahaha!

yehey – Tamao…well, she's not quite as powerful as say, Anna or Jeanne, that's why she's in the "others" category. I think. Thanks for reviewing!

Sidedish – No I don't think it's creepy; in fact I feel quite HONORED. You're still here! Reading! OMG! I feel old.-_-; You're very welcome and I'm so glad you like my writing, and thank you SO MUCH for reading, then and until now. I think you guys are the reason I still come back to write here even though it kinda takes some months or years. I hope you get to read this one as well.

radiance51 – Thank YOU as well! Same as with Sidedish, I'm SO GLAD you're still here, and reading! I return to ffnet sometimes HOPING for updates from authors I used to read from way back when…glad to know I'm not alone. I hope you like this! Let me know!


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